Monday, March 28, 2011

Street Food

Right outside my university, every evening, ten different pairs of people set up mini kitchens and grace us with their deliciously mad cooking skillz.

There are stirfrys and dumplings and soups and skewers and wraps.

The food is cooked at such high temperatures that (especially if you don't eat the meat) there is little to no risk of getting sick.
I just finished my dinner, and the only reason I feel sick is because I had enough food for three men.

I still blame them, though, for their food is so damn tasty. They arrive at about 8pm and stay until midnight. The only real complaint we have is that they aren't there all the time. I could quite happily live on this. Especially when it costs less than 10RMB (about $2) for a gigantic meal...











Sunday, March 27, 2011

Animal Farm

I recall travelling in Africa and regretting not taking a location-reflective novel with me. During that trip I can so clearly remember my heart and mind being so open and troubled and challenged, that I felt as though I would be able to appreciate a book to a heightened degree. When I plummet back to earth, having been humbled by new circumstances and locations, I find myself challenging old preconceived ideas, and re-thinking concepts I once believed to be fundamental truths. At these times, my consciousness is at its most absorbing.

This is the end of my fourth week living in Shanghai, and the aforementioned feelings/concerns have well and truly settled in the forefront of my mind. Thus, I decided to read Animal Farm a few days ago, after hearing some shocking and fresh accounts of the behavior of the government. I presume it is rather obvious why I chose George Orwell. All I can say is that I am now beginning to realise the significance of where I am now, and the events that lead to the current state of things. 

I have been slowly falling in love with the Boxer’s of China, yet cannot help but feel frustrated at their eternal complacence regarding their current Napoleon. Each day we buy a China Daily newspaper, and now I hear the sheep bleating in my ears so loudly I become infuriated. “FIVE YEAR PLANS AND TEN YEAR PLANS” Squealer cries out constantly, always making excuses for the present state of things by comparing it to the horrendous past or the surely prosperous future.  Just a few days ago, a small group of active Benjamins were severely reprimanded for ‘counter-productive’ movement. I see Moses flying overhead wherever I stroll in this land, keeping thoughts of unfairness and bad luck attested to the supernatural – it would be incongruous to believe humans were somehow responsible for anything wrong with the current state of things. I am a comrade living in the Hens’ quarters. We have no power when confronted with trained guard dogs. Whilst being itchily aware of what our eggs are funding, we are presently powerless.

How far away are these horses from becoming glue?
I cry for them and I fear for my feathers.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

yum



And they said I wouldn't find good vegetarian food...

Enjoy Shanghai Weekly

Shanghai, being the metropolis that it is, offers a number of free local publications. Some daily, some weekly and some monthly, these magazines provide invaluable information for both residents and transients. Last month’s edition of That’s Shanghai gave us a lovely quiz to take to see if we could get ourselves a ‘Shanghainese girlfriend’. (Needless to say, all my friends failed to carry her handbag or buy her gifts each week or text her hourly.) We found a great live bar full of local scream punk music via Enjoy Shanghai Weekly two weeks ago, so we thought we’d grab this particular publication again. This time, however, we actually got to the end of the 21 pages, and found The Personals section. The results of this discovery are as follows:

FRIENDS

Chubby Girl
Chubby Girl in SH looking for a cool guy to be friends or have fun or whatever else suit our fancies.

Scenes
We’re all just playing out scenes we’ve seen in films. The only difference is our stories usually have depressing endings. Looking for an intelligent guy to hang out. Drop me a line if you also want to find a geek to talk with in this gorgeous lonely city. Stay away if you want something erotic.

Black Dude
Strong, fit, 30y/o black brother on the look out for pretty ladies in Shanghai. I am not into Oriental chicks yet, but if you’re fine, I’ll check you out. PS: I’m not into this internet chat BS.

A common future
European man looking for a common future. Please only Western, European, Japanese or Korean women. You should be 23 to 33 years old, educated and financially independent. I’m 30 years old, 1.78 tall and athletic. Send me a short introduction and a photo.

Hot Italian
Handsome, educated and imaginative young Italian man looking for an elegant and sexy young woman in Shanghai.


I think there is something to learn about people from Personals sections. What I didn’t realise, was that Personals also sometimes have a Missed Connections section…


MISSED CONNECTION

Runover
You leaned over me after I was flattened by a recycling tricycle piled high with styrofoam on Nanjing Rd near the HSBC bank on February 12th. I was carrying a small dog, who didn’t make it. I remember your beautiful smile and long hair before I passed out. I’d love to see you again.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Zijin Shan

Last Thursday night four friends and I squeezed into my dorm room and decided to launch a spontaneous weekend away to Nanjing. Spontaneous being the key word here, we thought it would be totally cool not to book anything.

“Yeah!” We said – closing the internet tab to hostelworld.com.
“Yeah!” We said – deciding not to book our train tickets.
“Yeah!” We said – nonchalantly shoving t-shirts into small backpacks.

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. When the young are foolish, don’t we all laugh.

The shenanigans began when we arrived at the Shanghai train station and found that our 4:00 train was completely booked out. The next train was not until 7:00 so we grabbed tickets for it and went to eat dinner. Not realizing how quickly time was passing us, the clock hit 6:30 and we were still chilling. Making a move to the station, we became sidetracked upon realising that the trip was to be over 4 hours long, and that in China it is not illegal to consume alcohol in a public place. And so it was, that we all popped into the convenience store and bought several litres of beer. This is how it came to be 6:50 and we were sprinting madly through the station. Crashing through the electronic tickets gates and plummeting down the stairs to platform 5, we searched frantically for our train. No train. In the corner of my eye I spot flailing arms, and simultaneously we:

  • Saw a man about 800 metres and 200 steps away from us madly gesturing for us to come.
  • Saw a train attendant pointing to the platform on which the gesturing man was standing.
  • Heard a train horn toot.

Then we ran. Back up the stairs. We jumped straight over the electronic gates. Down a hallway with glass walls. The population of Shanghai were laughing at us. Tripping down the steps to the other platform ten-at-a-time, only to realise that we were in carriage 8, and we had taken the steps to carriage 16 – and no – you cannot board the train and then find your carriage. More running ensues. There is no one left on the platform and the steam from the train engines is filling the air. The five of us make the jump and cram into the carriage, startling the punctual occupants already in their seats. 

We made it!
We are heroes!
All hail us for making the train!
All hail us for making the train with every single bottle of beer intact!!!

Then we find our seat numbers and the novelty of the situation wears off…

It would appear that four of us are supposed to fit into the two beds closest to the ceiling of the train. It is uncomfortable for two of my friends, as they are both small, but for Magnus and I the feat is nearly physically impossible. It is also a hundred million degrees in this train and we are, all of us, grossly hot and sweaty from running so goddamn much.
Now, just when we think the situation couldn’t possibly get any worse – we realise we do not, in fact, have a bottle opener.



  Needless to say, one of us was carrying a harmonica at the time, and so we managed to get drinking eventually. We also found out two hours into the trip that we were in the wrong place, and that we had seats with head room a little further up.

Four hours and a few minutes after embarking on the rail journey, we had arrived at Nanjing. The following then happened in this order:
  1. We got lost
  2. The place we thought we would go to stay was fully booked
  3. The second place we got sent to was also fully booked for that night
  4. We got sent to a third location
  5. We got lost on the way
  6. We doubled back to the first hostel to ask for directions, and were informed than in our hour of wandering, someone had cancelled a booking, and that we could now stay there.
  7. Their restaurant is long closed
  8. The convenience store is also closed
  9. We get sent down walking north-east and finally find a place to have dinner. It is past midnight. This is an establishment where the chefs smoke while cooking and people spit on the floor
  10. We go home and go to bed.
So much for the benefits of having ‘open-ended plans’ and being ‘free’ with your itinerary. All that happens is that you waste hours of time and pay more money to eat bad food. Spontaneous schmonateous.

On the plus side, the next day we climbed a mountain. Zijin Mountain. It was good. Then that evening we played pool and drank and appreciated our shared excellent company. Nanjing is actually a very beautiful place. On the downside, we were too hungover to wake up on time on Sunday, and didn’t have train tickets booked, so we had breakfast and went straight to the train station.

The lesson learned? Plan it, dude.

Friday, March 11, 2011

hello and welcome to college life

Yesterday afternoon one of my dorm mates and I found this gigantic bear thrown away at the bottom of the stairs to our building. We have come to the conclusion that it must be the result of a failed relationship, and that the bear is now homeless due to a cruel act of revenge. The bear represented their love. It is lost forever. Thrown out of the building and out of her heart. It's fate is to walk alone.

Anyways, we found it and gave it a home in our dorm. Alas, some friends came over last night and in out hilarity we thought it would be funny to position the bear as shown, in front of a different dorm mate's door. I have been waiting all morning to hear the reaction. Then when I go out I will feign incredulation, hopefully fooling her into believing the bear is, in fact, posessed. I reckon I can do it.

Also, we are now looking for a name for the bear.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

taxis and then (maybe) jazz. if you're lucky.

Until going out this Saturday-just-passed, I operated under the premise that Chinese taxi drivers were no different from the general breed of taxi drivers found worldwide on my travels to date. They are commonly friendly, and the conversation flows (without fail) in the following way:

“You are from America?”
      “No - Australia”
“Oh! Nicole Kidman!”
      “Yes! Nicole Kidman!”
“Nicole Kidman! You are like her!”
      “Yes! I am like Nicole Kidman!”
“Nicole Kidman!”
      “Yes!”
“And Kangaroos!”
      “And what?”
“Boing boing boing!!! Skippy!”
      “Skippy! Yes!”
“Yes! Skippy!”
      “Yes!”
“Yes!”
      “Skippy!”
“You are like Skippy!”
      “No, I am not like Skippy, but I like Skippy.”
“What?”
        …
        …
“Nicole Kidman?”
      “Yes. Nicole Kidman.”
“Yes!”

By this stage we have arrived at the destination. The driver is ecstatic and I am exhausted. Occasionally I am asked for a photo, mostly I run before I have to talk too much more.  

Now, this Saturday-just-passed, has passed, and I now believe that Chinese taxi drivers are a completely different breed. Let me take you through the evening in an easy-to-follow, chronological anecdote.

We finish a lovely dinner and brave a brisk stroll in the rain before luckily (read: or was it?) finding a free taxi. Climbing in, we hand over a scrawled post-it note with (what we believe is) the address of a great jazz club nearby on it. Taxi driver looks nothing like his registration photo. He looks at the address, looks at the three of us kids, and starts driving. We ask him (in Chinese) if he knows where he is going – “Of course!” He exclaims, as if we had insulted his professional integrity. Nevertheless, he initiates a phone call on his mobile, and takes us around a few corners and onto the highway.

Wait – highway?
This place is supposed to be in our neighbourhood. Maybe we got it wrong. Yeah we must have got it wrong. Surely. Probably.
We’ll see.
It’s only been ten minutes and he’s taking a turn from the highway – ok, so it’s all good.
Wait – we are on another highway?
No – we are on the same highway. We are travelling in the exact opposite direction. Back up the highway.
Wonderful.

We ask him (in Chinese) which way is he taking us? – “What other way do you suggest I take!?” He angrily retorts. None of us can respond, and now we see that he knows that we don’t know where we are going. So we drive in circles for another twenty minutes, with the meter ticking over suspiciously fast. Finally he drops us, in the rain, in front of a Hot Pot restaurant. A ludicrous taxi fare paid and we are hustling ourselves into the premises in front of us, trying to ask the waiter (in Chinese) if there is a jazz bar nearby – 
“No jazz. What address are you looking for?”
We show him the now rain-soaked post-it note. He stares at us, and we are informed that this post-it note, in fact, has two addresses written down on it.

Wonderful.

“But-“ he adds, “there is some live music around the corner from here.”

Excellent! We thank him profusely and follow his directions until our ears take us the rest of the way. We are aurally led to a small but packed bar with shocking 80’s covers assaulting our ears. We've spent a lot of money on the taxi to get here, so a quick beer at this joint is surely worth it. Stepping inside, however, it becomes rapidly clear that ours is not the target demographic. 

To sit down we would have to spend the equivalent of twenty wonton dinners – and the singer has now moved on to Rhianna’s ‘Love the Way You Lie’. 
There are no instruments, only synth keyboards.
A swift decision to split is unanimously supported.

Rounding the corner, we cannot afford an icecream at the Italian delicatessen, nor can we see any movies at the cinema in English.
What do we do? We hike up our hoods and hit the street in search of another taxi. Now armed with the knowledge that we can point out the single (what we believe is) correct address and that the fare should be no more than 30RMB, we jump in the first vehicle we can hail.
Within five minutes of driving we are on a highway.

Wait – a highway?
Really?

Yes, apparently he is absolutely sure he is taking us to the address written on the paper. We ask him (in Chinese) which area of the city this address is in. “South side.” He says.
It is curious, then, that we are on the northbound highway…

Thirty-five disorientating minutes and another massive fare later, we are dropped in the rain, on the correct street. It is correct because the characters on the street sign match those written on our post-it! Success! At last!

Wait – this street is deserted. 
There is no music here. 
There are far too many police here. 

We find 117 – the number on our post-it. 
It is a clothing store. 
A closed clothing store.
It’s not even cool. 
What the hell do we do now? 

A small Cantonese restaurant is open, so we ask them (in Chinese) for a nearby jazz club.
“Club?” the lady says – “Just a couple of minutes walk down the street to the left.”
Wonderful! 

We walk with purpose now, looking forward to reaping the rewards for our misfortune. Only trouble is, there is no jumping music towards the end of this street. The further we walk, the darker it gets, and the police-car-per-metre meter increases.
The word ‘club’ has found us “Promise – Girls’ Club”, and it’s sister establishments.
We are now in the rain, on a dark street filled with dodgy ‘business’ transactions and no clue as to where we actually are – let alone where the bloody hell a jazz club might be. 

Now is time for us to really reassess our decision-making paradigm. A short chat later, however, and we are back in a taxi. The first one we could hail. On the way to ‘JZ Jazz Club’ – arguably the most famous in Shanghai. We head here because a scantily clad Japanese host girl (read: escort) with a coldsore on her bottom lip told us we were a ten minute drive from the place. Lord knows if she was telling the truth, but we didn't really have a lot of options. Apparently it is quite close.

Why is it then, that once more, we are on a highway. 

This time we have had enough. We make a fuss about photographing his driver ID, and we really give this guy a piece of our mind. The best part was when he realised that we knew that he knew we knew he was bullshitting us, and he tried to start bargaining a ‘happy medium’ price with us.

The ridiculousness of the situation was compounded by our exasperation at having a third taxi driver try and rip us off in just one evening. The irritation we felt (and consequently projected to this particular driver) was compounded by the fact that it was three hours since we finished dinner, and we were yet to hear any jazz.  

Perhaps sensing the high levels of said irritation, the driver took the next exit off the highway, did a big loop, and had us at JZ Bar in under ten minutes. Mashing the exact minimum fare into his greasy hand, we ran for it just in time to miss his muffled obscenities. Bless our youthful, spritely legs, because he sure was pissed.  

But it was no matter to us now! We could hear the bossa nova calling us in! A sultry siren’s song was luring us through these highly cover-charged doors. Stepping into the dry, dark, crowded bar was like being reborn into an underground oasis. We paid (far too much) for our beer, and then simply nestled ourselves into a comfy leaning position with a lovely view of the piano.

It did not matter that we had been ripped off three times by three different taxis (four if you count the drive home, on which we also got scammed). It did not matter that we just busted all of the weeks’ efforts of frugality. Nor did it matter that we were in jeans and hoodies at a cocktail venue. The music was too good, the company was too favourable, and we were all finally dry.

To finish the evening wonderfully, I ran into the singer of the band while I was waiting for friends to emerge from the bathrooms. I opened with some gushing and flattery, and was struck by how wonderfully modest and lovely this lady was! And then! She spotted the drum sticks sticking out of my bag! She asked if I was a drummer! I told her I was learning! She told us that every Saturday night at 2:30am (so technically on Sunday – not that I corrected her) the official programme finishes and they open the stage for a public jam session!

Looks like we just found our new Saturday night go-to venue.
Let’s just hope we can actually get there in under three hours next week. It’ll take some prayers. And maybe some new Chinese cuss words.

Friday, March 4, 2011

to be continued...

As I'm sure you have guessed, the throes of university campus life have got me by the jugular. This platform of communication is going to have to adapt to survive.

As most of you are aware, I posted daily when I was actively travelling - however I refuse to let poise.onarrows turn into a space where I tell you who I have a crush on and what I ate for breakfast. It is time to make the ultimate transition from quantity to quality.

What this means, is that insight into my life can now only be garnered on a weekly basis. Cry and wail then think to yourself - she had porridge. Yes she did. Indeed she did. She is clearly filling space in a desperate, scratching attempt to retain regular attention. NO! It shan't happen. I do not underestimate your taste or intelligence.

This transition will be difficult (primarily) for me. So I very much appreciate your patience. Also, I am making the move from my digital SLR to my film cameras - so postable images just increased in value due to rarity.

I will do my best, I can promise you that. As per usual.
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